A/N: The following story is an experiment in conveying character voice and personality only through dialogue — no tags of any sort. I feel like it was a successful experiment, but in writing it I stumbled upon the upper limitation of the method where writing is concerned: plot progression. There was no to introduce other characters without denoting some sort of action. Still, it was fun!

“Have you logged it?”

“Of course I logged it you idiot.”

“What the hell do you think it is?”

“It’s a sword, dumbass.”

“Well no shit it’s a sword. Why is it out here?”

“Damn if I know… Here, let’s take it.”

“Oh yeah? Think you can lift the whole rock?”

“Don’t be daft, I’m just taking the sword.”

“What? You’re jokin’, right? Without the rock it’s just a piece of metal! At least it’s interesting to look at if it’s inside the boulder.”

“Well then what do you think we ought to do, genius?”

“We gotta take the whole thing.”

“Look, we don’t got the equipment to lift the whole thing. And if we tear our suits open out here we’re dead. Good and proper dead. So what if it’s just the sword? It’s something…”

“We’ll be dead if we go back with another sword, that’s what. They’ve found a shit ton of swords out here. But this one? It’s the first one we find inside a stone.”

“I’m going to pull it out.”

“Oh Jesus… Fine, have at it. But if the Captain ain’t pleased, then it’s on your head. Just make sure you logged it.”

“Bugger off! I logged it. Here, I transferred the file. You can show it to the big man when we’re back at base.”

“Alright then, give it a go…”

“I’m trying, jackass!”

“C’mon then, put your back into it.”

“I am putting my back into it! Shit! Any more and I’ll pop an oxygen tube or something.”

“Well you’re the one who wanted to pull out the sword.”

“Why don’t you try it smart guy?”

“Me? Fine. You were probably holding it wrong. It’s a matter of angles not strength, see.”

“Oh is it? Well then go on, impress us all with your mastery of angles.”

“What the hell do you mean us? It’s just you and me out on this glorified pebble.”

“Just pull out the sword.”

“Very well. Watch and learn.”


“Jesus… It didn’t budge!”

“Told you.”

“Bugger off, it just validates my point. We ought to take it back to the station for Captain to see.”

“Fuck. Fuck! Fine. Have it your way, but if we get blasted back into this vacuum I’m blaming you.”

“Settle down, mate. It’ll be fine. No need to fret. We’ll just charm our way out of it like we always do.”

“Please, you’ve got as much charm as this asteroid.”

“Yeah? Fuck you. What unit is this again?”


“Alright well then quit shitting around and get us a comm link to the station. We’re gonna need help with the extraction.”

“Got it.”

“See, it’s not too bad.”

“Shut up… hold on it’s been ringing forever. Oh, here we go. Hello? Is this Communications? Yeah this is him. Listen, we’re going to need an extraction unit on K-27. How big is it? Shit man, I don’t know. It’s a boulder. Wait, hold on, I have the log. Here, I transferred it to you.”

“‘Shit man.’ He says. Jesus…”

“Be quiet I’m talking to Comms. Oh, sorry, no it was just my partner. You’re sending a unit? Great. Thanks. Yeah, I know. Alright, okay. Bye.”

“They’re on their way?”

“Yeah, they’re on their way.”

“Good. How was the Comm?”

“Not that much of a dick.”

“Go figure, huh?”

“Think we should leave before they get here?”

“Nah, they’re gonna need help.”

“How much help will they need? It’s a stick in a rock.”

“Whatever, they’re right there anyways.”

“Oh I see them, here we go.”

“Rough landing, bet they’re gonna walk out slow? Maybe recover some respect?”

“Of course they are. They always do.”

“Ah there it is. I knew it.”

“Bunch of jackasses.”